A head full of dead butterflies

“Ok, you lead them. Go.”

Today I got to TA a class. Which was interesting, because I’d never taken the class before. You know that time on the first day of school when your teacher called you up to the front and told you it was your turn to teach? You don’t? Ahahahahaha….

It wasn’t as bad as all that. I’d TA’d for this teacher before and am doing it again for another class this semester. Good practice. And it was just an exercise class. But I had a stomach full of butterflies at the thought of standing up there to TA alone for the first time tomorrow, so when he asked me to lead the stretching exercises today all those butterflies migrated to my head and promptly fell over dead. I have a head full of dead butterflies.

It’s not as nice as it sounds. They rattle around a bit, and sometimes when the floor tilts they all end up pushing against one side. That hurts. Sometimes they start rushing upward in a big colourful wall that washes over everything and leaves a roaring blank. Then sometimes all those wings get swept out by an industrious little broom and everything cants back to rights again. That’s when I remember that this was good, it was a lesson in how to respond when life gets unexpected (always be ready to do your job), and that butterflies are still pretty dead.

Well, they are.


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